From 9 to 5 to, Literally All the Time!

I know this momma has been on a break from the blogging for a bit but “mommin’ ain’t easy!” Lol. I thought that as my son got older, it would get a bit easier but that’s totally not the case. Call me crazy but I seriously felt like I had more energy to clean the house, do the laundry, get a workout in and still have dinner on the table when he was a newborn, even with the sleep deprivation! Could be that he was less active, easily entertained and naps lasted longer than 20 minutes. I’m not complaining though, I love being home with my little guy. It’s been an adjustment to say the least! I went from being a working momma who did 40 hour weeks with a 5 year old to now being home and working around the clock with two kiddos. The difference is so crazy. I used to have this glamorized notion of what a stay at home mom was. If I’m being honest here, stay at home moms to me were like these mythical creatures I totally wanted to be! The women who somehow were up at the crack of dawn, making breakfast, packing lunches, with an immaculate house and still found the time for lunch dates, play dates, shopping, all while looking fabulous (or at least that’s how it seems in the movies). BOY WAS I WRONG! What a reality check this experience has been lol.

Seriously, my hair lives in a nest, I’m in my pj’s till about 1 pm, running around the house trying to do a million things, most times with 6 1/2 month chunker attached to my hip, all before I have to pick my daughter up from school, then come back and have dinner ready before my fiancé gets home. I thought I had it down in the beginning and I even started working out but the sleep deprivation totally caught up. I think the hardest part for me is not feeling productive enough. I beat myself up on the days when I just want to lay on the couch because I need a break. I beat myself up on the days where the laundry’s clean but still sitting in the hamper because I have a baby attached to my boob and he refuses to nap. I beat myself up on the days when my fiancé comes home and buys dinner because I just really couldn’t adult that day. This mom business is tough!(BUT totally worth it). This transition from working mom to stay at home has been a roller coaster of emotions.

On one hand, I feel so blessed to be able to stay home with my little guy and that I am able to pick my daughter up from school right at dismissal when before, I’d work till 5 and she was in aftercare until about 5:30 and she’d always plead with me to pick her up early. But then there are days when I miss working and having social interaction with other adults and just being out of the house. I’m so used to being independent and some days I get overwhelmed with guilt. I feel guilty for not contributing monetarily (even though my fiancé says I am because raising our kids is a full time job in itself), I feel guilty on the days where I stayed in bed a little longer than I would’ve liked to. It’s something I struggle with internally. My fiancé is absolutely amazing and I’m extremely grateful to have his support, he never makes me feel bad but I just create this guilt and anxiety within myself. Thank God he deals with my crazy lol.

Being a stay at home mom (for me at least) is having to eat your breakfast in the afternoon sometimes, it’s showering with the light off because the bathroom fan is so loud and you need to hear if the baby is crying or not, it’s using the bathroom with your kid on your lap, it’s doing laundry and folding it a week later (not always lol), it’s cleaning the house with your 20lb baby strapped to you, it’s falling asleep while playing with your daughter, it’s so many things but the most important is that it’s worth it. These moments are temporary and the kiddos won’t be this small forever. So I’m going to cherish these crazy days, even when they are long and momma needs an extra large mojito! 🍹

Xoxo – Babymommablogga out! ✌🏼

Light after loss

 

 

After our loss, my boyfriend and I decided we would take a break from trying so that we could recover and just enjoy our time together. He was back from Orlando and I was so happy to finally have him home. The holidays were quickly approaching and with them, we had plenty of events keeping us busy. Weddings, baby showers and holiday parties with family.

One event stood out the most during that time. A friend of ours was having her baby shower and she was due a couple weeks after I would’ve had my baby. It was a tough day. I was of course emotional because I had imagined I’d be celebrating too. Everything turned out beautifully and I was so happy for her and her growing family.

That night I went to bed with our baby on my mind because it was still all to fresh. It was around 6:30 in the morning when I was awakened by the sudden urge to tinkle lol. Right before that, I had the strangest dream. For some reason I had decided to take a pregnancy test and when the results came through, the stick read “110% pregnant”. Some people say when you’re pregnant, you begin to have vivid dreams. I blamed it on the fact that we had just gone to a baby shower a day before and I went to sleep with it on my mind.

I headed to the bathroom. When my boyfriend and I were actively trying, I had ordered a box of pregnancy tests and I happened to have one left. I figured why not take it just to put my mind at ease. I knew it would be negative but something about that dream made me curious. It was so early and I was definitely still half asleep when I took it. Being the impatient person I am, I peaked before I was supposed to and just like I had thought, it was negative. I got up and washed my hands and was ready to toss the test out until I took a second look.

Wait.. just a couple of minutes ago I was sure I only saw one line so why are there two now?! I couldn’t believe it. I ran to my room and quietly grabbed my phone to call my best friend. I told her the story but told her I didn’t want to get my hopes up. She told me to go to the store and get a digital test because it would give me a definite answer. I slipped out of the house as quickly and quietly as possible. I drove to the nearest Walgreen’s and bought a test and a bottle of water. I had just gone to the bathroom so now I had to chug a bottle of water so I’d be able to take this second test lol.

When I got home, my boyfriend was thankfully still asleep. I went to the bathroom and took the second test. Low and behold, it was positive. I was in shock! I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I only had a short period of time before my boyfriend would wake up and I wanted to tell him in a special way. I blew up a balloon and put a note inside that read “ Baby Reyes arriving August 2017” and tied it to a box that held the pregnancy test inside.

When he woke up, I made breakfast and told him I had a surprise for him. After we ate, I gave him the box. I told him he had to pop the balloon first and then open the box after he read the note. I recorded his reaction, he was so happy! It came as a nice surprise to both of us, since we had decided to take some time after our loss.

I believe that God has a reason for everything he does. This was meant to be. I found out I was pregnant with our rainbow baby on the exact same day (6 years later of course) that I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. What are the odds? Just the day before, I was feeling down about my miscarriage and having to see some of my dearest friends expecting and the next, I’m finding out that we’ll be welcoming a bundle of joy of our own! There were so many emotions surging through my body. Happiness, fear, nervousness, the list was ongoing.

Once I processed what was actually happening, I began to worry. What if I had another miscarriage? How would I handle another loss? All the excitement I initially felt, faded. I wouldn’t allow myself to get excited this time because I didn’t want to deal with the disappointment if things took a turn for the worst. Before I got my hopes up, I’d make an appointment with my doctor to make sure everything seemed to be in place.

I made my first appointment and everything went well. This time around, I saw my doctor a couple of times early on. I figured she wanted to make sure everything was as it should be and we were happy that they were, even though I was still nervous. With Christmas quickly approaching, we decided to tell our family at the Christmas party my uncles were hosting. People always say to wait until you are past the first trimester at around 12 weeks to share the news but for us, it was different. After our loss, we said if it’s going to happen again, it’ll happen. Sharing our news now or later wouldn’t change what’s meant to be.

Christmas came and morning sickness was seriously kicking my butt lol. We opened gifts in the morning with my boyfriend’s family and I was trying to act as normal as possible so that the surprise wouldn’t be ruined later. I bought a shirt that said ” Guess what Santa’s bringing me?” and had a big red arrow pointing to my belly. Right before getting to the party, we pinned the shirt so you couldn’t see the arrow until everyone arrived and we were ready.  Everyone at the party kept asking, ” What  does your shirt say? What is Santa bringing you?” and I would just laugh and say “I don’t know!” and quickly walk away. I’ve never been a good liar ( I would NOT be good at poker lol!).

My little sister had already caught on so my boyfriend and I recruited her to come up with a plan. We decided we would call everyone inside so we could take a family photo. I would stand in front of everyone, shirt unpinned so you could see the arrow, and take the picture so I could see everyone’s reaction. It took a couple of tries and there were definitely people who didn’t catch on so quickly but once they did, we got the best picture! It was a nice ending to Christmas and our families were so happy for us. After a rough couple of months, this was the light at the end of the tunnel.

This pregnancy wasn’t easy. The morning sickness, the dizzy spells, fatigue, and all of the other “fun” things you get to experience through pregnancy, made it hard on me but it was all worth it. Each month that passed was one step closer to the finish line. Once I was towards the end of my pregnancy, that’s when I finally let the excitement set in. I would constantly ask my boyfriend ” Can you believe we are having a baby?” We had prayed for this little human for so long. It was unreal to me. All the heartache we went through, brought us to this amazing moment. I always thought the meaning behind the phrase “Rainbow baby” was so beautiful and never imagined we would welcome one of our own.

“The greater your storm, the brighter your rainbow”- Jo Ettles